Talking to yourself is not the worst thing you can do, but you probably want to keep it down to a minimum. In particular, do not talk to yourself when other people are around, especially on elevators. For that matter, do not talk to yourself on empty elevators, either, or worse, scratch yourself in a questionable part of your person. The guys down at the front desk are listening, watching and recording. An otherwise innocent readjustment of this or that can go viral on Facebook before you make it out of the building.
Speaking of elevators, they do occasionally get stuck, and you need to be prepared for this. Never enter an elevator on a full bladder, as most elevators do not provide even minimal sanitary facilities. If you do get stuck in an elevator, and there are others stuck there with you, and the ghostly voice from the maintenance man tells you they're working on it and they'll get you out of there within the next hour, it is strongly recommended that you launch a joke telling contest. It passes the time amiably, and is decidedly better than collapsing in a tearful heap and taking up more floor space than is your share, or trying to claw your way over the rest of the passengers to climb out the top. Then again, if you must claw your way over the rest of the passengers to climb out, make sure that it is the top. There is little point to climbing out under the elevator, for a variety of reasons we should not have to explain here at any great length.
Better yet, take the stairs.
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Showing posts with label personal habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal habits. Show all posts
Friday, September 2, 2016
Friday, June 24, 2016
A Cryptic Note
The Coachean Life Coach takes voluminous notes on the road, marking down every thought that might be relevant to making your life better. The entry presently at the top of his list, however, is baffling: "Regular vs excessive farting." That is it, in its entirety.
What exactly could that mean? What brought on this apparently important perception, so important that I felt compelled to write it down? Was there farting occuring at the time the note was taken? Was it regular farting, or farting of the excessive persuasion? What is regular farting, for that matter? Or excessive farting? And most importantly, who was the farter?
We will, apparently, never know. This is the down side to taking voluminous notes on the spur of the moment. If the note is overly cryptic, you will be left with nothing but a vague memory that something about something—in this case something about the passing of gas—was so important at the time that you felt the need to comment on it, but you were so sure at the time that its importance had made a lasting impression that you didn't feel the need to elaborate, thus leaving nothing behind but an enigmatic squib, the meaning of which you will never unravel.
In other words, if you're going to take notes, take good notes. Taking bad notes is like farting. Regularly or excessively. You will find momentary relief at best, but total, eternal bafflement at worst. (Okay, maybe that analogy doesn't really work, but if you start an essay with farting, you must end it with farting. Which in itself is a lesson for another day.)
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What exactly could that mean? What brought on this apparently important perception, so important that I felt compelled to write it down? Was there farting occuring at the time the note was taken? Was it regular farting, or farting of the excessive persuasion? What is regular farting, for that matter? Or excessive farting? And most importantly, who was the farter?
We will, apparently, never know. This is the down side to taking voluminous notes on the spur of the moment. If the note is overly cryptic, you will be left with nothing but a vague memory that something about something—in this case something about the passing of gas—was so important at the time that you felt the need to comment on it, but you were so sure at the time that its importance had made a lasting impression that you didn't feel the need to elaborate, thus leaving nothing behind but an enigmatic squib, the meaning of which you will never unravel.
In other words, if you're going to take notes, take good notes. Taking bad notes is like farting. Regularly or excessively. You will find momentary relief at best, but total, eternal bafflement at worst. (Okay, maybe that analogy doesn't really work, but if you start an essay with farting, you must end it with farting. Which in itself is a lesson for another day.)
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Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Jim Menick announces new career as Life Coach!
As I no longer coach high school debate, I have decided to take on coaching life itself, for everyone, covering everything. This may take some time; I will henceforth publish my life coaching wisdom here on Fridays in small, digestible pieces.
Advice: Do not whistle Stephen Sondheim songs when entering a public men's room. There is nothing to be gained by this, and much to lose.
Advice: Do not tell people that Rod Stewart was once really good back in the 60s and early 70s. No one will believe you, and both you and Rod Stewart will be none the better for it.
Advice: Do not chain-smoke cigars. (The quality of the cigars does not matter.)
Advice: There is no good reason to take off your shoes when you go to the bathroom, while there are so many good reasons to keep them on that I won't even list them. Act accordingly.
Advice: Do not whistle Stephen Sondheim songs when entering a public men's room. There is nothing to be gained by this, and much to lose.
Advice: Do not tell people that Rod Stewart was once really good back in the 60s and early 70s. No one will believe you, and both you and Rod Stewart will be none the better for it.
Advice: Do not chain-smoke cigars. (The quality of the cigars does not matter.)
Advice: There is no good reason to take off your shoes when you go to the bathroom, while there are so many good reasons to keep them on that I won't even list them. Act accordingly.
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