Friday, September 2, 2016

Advice from a life coach: You are not alone

Talking to yourself is not the worst thing you can do, but you probably want to keep it down to a minimum. In particular, do not talk to yourself when other people are around, especially on elevators. For that matter, do not talk to yourself on empty elevators, either, or worse, scratch yourself in a questionable part of your person. The guys down at the front desk are listening, watching and recording. An otherwise innocent readjustment of this or that can go viral on Facebook before you make it out of the building.

Speaking of elevators, they do occasionally get stuck, and you need to be prepared for this. Never enter an elevator on a full bladder, as most elevators do not provide even minimal sanitary facilities. If you do get stuck in an elevator, and there are others stuck there with you, and the ghostly voice from the maintenance man tells you they're working on it and they'll get you out of there within the next hour, it is strongly recommended that you launch a joke telling contest. It passes the time amiably, and is decidedly better than collapsing in a tearful heap and taking up more floor space than is your share, or trying to claw your way over the rest of the passengers to climb out the top. Then again, if you must claw your way over the rest of the passengers to climb out, make sure that it is the top. There is little point to climbing out under the elevator, for a variety of reasons we should not have to explain here at any great length.

Better yet, take the stairs. 


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